It's Neither Here Nor There

A blog about two friends far apart yet close at heart.

Dependence

January24

Dear Kristy,

 

I sit here writing you from my new job. It’s official, Jeff is my boss. Wow! I don’t like the sound of that. Haha. I started working this week for the church as the administrative assistant. I like it. And I really like that I am working to help justify the ungodly amount of money the church pays for my medical insurance every month. The church graciously pays for our health insurance and it is truly a blessing. But I struggle with guilt as to how much my part of the insurance bill is, but that’s neither here nor there. By working at the church I feel like I am at least contributing.

 

It is crazy the circumstance of my job hunting. I have applied for countless jobs and have even had several that were promising and seem to be a perfect fit. But none of them amounted to anything. Nothing. I applied many times and had several interviews to be a case manager for a counseling firm here in town. That was exciting for me because I felt like I could ‘officially’ use my college degree of counseling. Nothing. I applied for a coordinator job for a nonprofit here in town and even had connections. Nothing. I applied for two photographer jobs. One of the jobs, the head of the department was on my resume and I still didn’t get the job. The other photography job seemed to be molded just for me and the owner seemed so promising. Nothing.

 

It’s crazy! So I wait patiently. I really don’t want to be outside of God’s best for me. I have to admit though that is hard. It is hard to not take it personal, time after time being denied. Do I have cooties? Am I too brash? Does my breath smell like my kids say?

 

It always seem to come back to dependence for me and God and our relationship. I have to admit that I come from a long line of women who have the will power to do anything. That you know well. That is why I think we are friends. You kind of come from the same line of women. Just think back to our time in Monticello where we would put our game face on and accomplish anything; garage sales at the last minute, rearrange our furniture in an afternoon, clean out a child’s clothes and toys in an hour, shoot! even start a church! Haha! We were dangerous. Maybe it’s good we live half a world away.

 

Dependence, that is where I was going. It seems to be a never ending lesson for me. I am at the point in my life I realize it will be one I will never complete, get a final grade on and graduate. It is a daily thing. A place I surrender everyday to the Lord. If I don’t then I can find myself in the pit of despair. I am so thankful that I have the ability to look back and see how God has worked over and over again in my life. He is constant and trustworthy. He always provides despite by efforts to try to make things happen. I guess I will be at peace with learning for today that my dependence is minute by minute and never ending, despite my efforts to make it a project I must complete.

 

Gotta go! The boss is here. He just gave me a kiss and said he liked kissing the secretary when he came in to work. We are in trouble.

 

Depending on Him,

Carolyn

3 Comments to

“Dependence”

  1. On January 24th, 2012 at 11:19 am Carolyn Says:

    p.s. How are your new year goals coming? You are a better woman than I am. No goals for me. Go Kristy!!

  2. On January 24th, 2012 at 12:47 pm megan Says:

    I will make sure to yell loudly and stomp my feet every time I come to the Lancaster house now….just in case. ;)

  3. On January 24th, 2012 at 6:57 pm Jeff Says:

    Hey Dependence,

    Get back to work.

    Love,
    The Boss
    (I’m gonna like that)

    P.s. Great entry!

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